Autism. Relationships. Sex? Yes you heard that last word correctly unless you have an auditory disorder. Sex is important for any human being, especially those who are termed “disabled” whether physically or cognitively, but society seems to have overlook that. Now, I have a girlfriend, yeah I see your faces, “this autistic dude has a girlfriend?” And yes we have sex. She’s autistic too. She has those “routines” that appear like a ritual to outsiders like sneaking to the library before her college classes start to finish her art project. She has obsessions with sketching her latest dress ideas or some fantasy dream in her head.
I adore that; she is almost like me in terms of attitude, and while our obsessions seem different, we respect each other because we don’t have to be concerned with fitting in socially. And sex is one of our favorite activities. Our oversensitive senses, one of autism’s hallmarks, find a distinct joy in carnal coupling. And we are only happy when the other is enjoying it too.
If there is one thing that I am disappointed by is the fact that the guardians of society’s unspoken rules; the teachers who think they know all there is to know, or the social butterfly consumed by their assumptions, are less accepting of our relationship.
A psychology professor seemed completely befuddled when my girlfriend and I told him that we were both high-functioning autistic adults in a sexual and emotionally fulfilling relationship. It was like he couldn’t believe that; almost as if his academic textbook training had blinded him to the reality that human relationships were possible for autistics. I wondered if the society was a bit autistic itself with its laws and social mores; lost in its own fantasies for order and routine just like an autistic child putting same-color lego blocks in sequential order.
Why do those figures of authority think that relationships for autistics are weird; do they think that its a skill reserved only them. Why can’t a human in a wheelchair have a romantic relationship without judgment. Or those visual blindness or deafness? Why is a relationship between two disabled individuals seen as an impossibility and not a probability?