Tip and Turn Red: A Gimpy Monologue

Okay, so the other day I decided to finally do it. I finally decided to tell Mary that I like her. You would think with a name like Mary should look like everyone else. By she doesn’t, she walks with confidence, she’s dark and exotic with reddish-brown hair, to put it plainly she’s delicious. Not to mention, she’s a better Asian than I am. Read: she gets better grades than I do. I’ve been wanting to tell her I like her for a while now. In the other day, I had it going on… The day was amazing! So I figured why not! Might as well keep the ball rolling (and the chair too.) So, it was about 2 o’clock in the afternoon, and I was going to fetch my friend from his class and let him know that the bus was there to pick us up. He was conveniently in Mary’s class.

So I roll in there, thinking I’m hot stuff. I roll up to my friend, and say “hey bro, the bus is here, we have to go.” And as I do so, I pass Mary a little note. My buddy roles is where the classroom, writing a wheelie like some sort of damning unicycle rider in the circus, he makes it over the threshold with ease. And I think to myself, “I got this.” So I try to do the same thing, and look supercool while doing it, because that’s what everybody wants to do right? Well, I didn’t go so well, I ended up falling backwards and hitting my head on the tile floor of Mary’s classroom. Luckily I have a hard head, so there was no blood. Two guys try to get up and look all macho and they can’t pick me up, and I’m not really that heavy, maybe 120 pounds at best. Anyway, Mary walks over while I am on the floor and these two guys are struggling, picks me up as though it were nothing. And whispered, “by the way, I don’t like you… Sorry.” Talk about a crash and burn. Or rather, a tip over and turn red? Man, that was pretty embarrassing. Makes a great story though, doesn’t it?

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