A Mind’s Last Letter: A Gimpy Monologue

Filipino Old Man

I feel like I can breathe again.  No, I wasn’t suffering an asthma attack nor was I buried alive.  My brain has granted me a brief, lucid moment of mental focus that can insidiously slip away.  Memories, what memories? All I remember is a void as endless as prim

ordial space.  However, there are no atoms, no matter, electrons, neutrons, no ingredients for a big bang.  There is only a lonely, starless universe.  And I’m trembling, because, words do not obey me like they used to.  I’m scrawling whatever thoughts come to mind.  Because, I have Alzheimer’s.  Nature’s cruelest torture.  I used to teach entomology, the study of..of bugs, insects.  And I had a vast knowledge of the scientific world, I was an amatuer astronomer; my boy, I think his name is Dean, and I used to sit outside and watch the stars.  I knew the various constellations, but now that person who had all that knowledge is a memory that fades away with each passing moment like a ghost.  I don’t know who was present when I try to recall specific memories, and those memories are torn plotholes of my former life.  My wife, at least I think she’s my wife, cries almost every night. I would cry too if I could remember who she was because it is a condition that never gets ‘better,’ it only degenerates, consuming my thoughts, my dreams, my hopes, and those I love and leaving in its wake a trail of black.

 

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2 thoughts on “A Mind’s Last Letter: A Gimpy Monologue”

  1. Scary stuff. The only thing worse than losing your memories, your life, is realizing you are losing them. I hope those with Alzheimer’s don’t realize what’s happening, and I hope those of us who know we are losing it find a reason or a way out.

    Like

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