Recent events have given me the rare opportunity to reflect on the cornucopia of my romantic experiences. They have varied in both intensity, as well as the degree to which these relationships could be called romantic in the common sense, as well as the traditional sense of the word. Does anybody remember the 90s ballad out of Australia entitled “More Than Words”? If you don’t, you can find a YouTube link here
However cheesy this song might be by today’s standards, it still makes me think. What if we lived in a world where we couldn’t say I love you to one another? What if we could use those words, to soften the blow of reckless actions and sharp tongues? What would we do? It’s been my experience, that every time a woman has ever told me that she loved me, the situation usually ends with her also saying the words “I’m sorry.” The conclusion I’ve come to, is that when we allow ourselves to trust someone so completely that we think that saying I love you may be a good idea, that’s when they can hurt us the most. Those two phrases are in many ways, two of the most overused phrases in the English language, and yet I still choose to employ them. So I’m not going to sit here and call people hypocrites, and if I do, let me assure you that I am one also.
What I’m suggesting, is that we attempt to live in a way that is conducive of freeing ourselves from these two expressions entirely. If we are sorry for something we’ve done, or said.. Then we should make a penance for what we have done, rather than saying that we’re sorry. If we want someone to know that they mean a lot to us, then we should do something nice for them… And not just because we want them to have sex with us, or we expect something in return from let’s say, a family member down the road. Genuine authenticity in one’s actions often conveys more than words ever could. But that is not to say that words are not powerful, but I digress, as I will address that in a later post.
All I’m saying is, that old adage of “love means never having to say you’re sorry”is dead wrong. And if we never say these things, there have to be other ways for people to know how we feel. And that, at least to me, is far more genuine.
The Musings of a Digital Vagabond 
You are right and this is very true. He said he loved me and then it ended up as I’m sorry. Time after time. Great post, look forward to reading more!
Looking for Brunettey
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This is sad. Tragic in a way, but it also makes sense completely. I like to say I love you. I actually do it a little too much, but I feel it too much too. (Sorry for all the too’s). I would love to live in a way where I wouldn’t have to say I’m sorry for mean things, but sometimes saying I’m sorry is good also. Sometimes it shows sympathy for someone, like, I’m sorry your Aunt died.
I do think both words are overused and that authenticity in one’s actions speaks a lot louder. I don’t know. What you are saying makes sense, but it still feels tragic. Hmmm. Maybe I will realize more later.
I know that you are going through a hard time right now, and I don’t want to take away from the validity of your post, or feelings, but I wanted to tell you this, and even though it doesn’t relate at all…thinking to myself… maybe I should go say it on a different post…but you don’t mind authenticity…now I’m just overthinking. Okay. This part is completely unrelated. Sorry?
I like you. Not in any creepy way. Just a friendly way. Anyway, I should probably go tell some people who would probably like you too, but I’m not going to yet, okay? I just want to keep you to myself (and your other followers) for a bit. You don’t seem like the kind of guy who cares about his stats enough to want the PR right away, and I just want a little more time to get to know you before I share you with the rest of my blog world, but you are someone I would like for them to know about some day. Hope you don’t mind.
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I get that, and I agree, simply because I do it too. But in the case of a passing relative, could we just hold the person and say “I know she meant alot to you, and I just want you to know I’m here.”
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You are really hurt huh?
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Damn, did that come across? I tried not to let it. I’m sure I’ll get over it eventually. If it weren’t such a common theme in my life, it wouldn’t be so hard
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People are scared. When this one scabs over a little, remind me to tell you about the flip downside of love.
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flip downside?
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I’m married.
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I remember… I was almost once
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It might be better.
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that I didn’t?
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Yeah. I’m not saying that everything is bad, but some things are
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I get that, trust me…
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Life doesn’t really cut us many breaks, huh. I guess we must be strong enough to handle it. I don’t feel that strong though.
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There is a lot of pain on that side of love too. It is hard to tell how much is related to me, and how much to the disability.
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I think that’s how it is for me too… It really is difficult to know
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And I like you too, in a non-creepy sort of way. You’re supremely sweet to want to share me like that, and I won’t mind when you’re ready. It’s amazing how much of ourselves we put into what we write, isn’t it? Take all the time you need. What’s so tragic? I’ve never had the chance to see it from the outside. if I have, I remained sadly ignorant of it
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At first, I saw the heartbreak…just the initial pain and loss. Later, as I started coming around to what you were talking about…the whole love and sorry overuse, and just betrayal of both. Why we just use those words to justify hurting someone, or we throw love around like it’s nothing. Now, I must admit that I do this. I tell people all the time that I love them. Bloggers, people I don’t actually know, but the problem is that I feel it. I do love them, so I say it. You reminded me how the word was designed to be used, and really, I can’t think of any word that has taken its place, on a higher level. I guess sometimes we say, I really love you, but that is not much better. We need a distinction between “love” and the other feeling…
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Did you read, don’t go try to find it if you haven’t, but in the comments last night, I told someone that I was raised in a small Christian school. In it, we were taught 3 forms for the word love. Agape love, I have to google the other two. Hold on a sec…
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Eros and Philos…here’s a random blog link: http://theseekeroftruth.blogspot.com/2005/02/3-types-of-love.html Anyway, well, you could read the link, but basically it is the Greek forms of the word. Three seperate words for erotic, friendship, and unconditional love. We need 3 words too.
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The Greeks did it, we just haven’t really internalized the differences. We are a culture born of romanticism, it’s the method we use to sell the american dream. That won’t change soon… I’ve had a very interesting and contradictory run with love, sex, and romance. The problem with love, is that it’s so deeply ingrained in us as a concept, that there is no other word that could possibly take it’s place. You’re a very insightful and intuitive woman.
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They all say that… 😉
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Seriously though, love hurts no matter how you look at it. I don’t want to try to make you talk about anything you don’t feel like talking about, but if you ever want to, I will probably understand, and even if I don’t, I can keep my mouth shut and listen sometimes.
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I wouldn’t ask you to keep your mouth shut, because you get it, that piece that doesn’t click for most people, because you’re living it
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Yeah. Some things are better left unsaid I guess, or maybe just said at the right time, to the right person, in the right place.
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eros and philios/ phileo/ philia I believe
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don’t worry, I don’t either… Everyone says I am, so it must be true haha!
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From people I love, I never need to hear “I’m sorry”. They were forgiven before the ‘sin’ or crime was committed. To people I love I may say “I’m sorry” if I have accidently (or on purpose) hurt them in some kind of way.
And Hobbler is right. “Love Hurts” – and it can. It really sucks sometimes. One mistake all too many people make is the assumption that “If I love them, they should love me” – and feeling hurt because the other person doesn’t, or doesn’t love them in the way they love that person. A source of many pains.
I gave up love from about 13 until 21. Literally said “s*** on it”. Still have some hate issues left over from it. Learned though (when I was 21 – a ‘personality’ and an age; see my ‘about me’) – that I was missing a heck of a lot more by NOT loving than I would be by embracing the concept. Took a lot to do it. (okay, more than a lot. I had to ‘build a new self’ to handle a whole new world for ‘me’.)
Love at best is an ambigious thing, and I NEVER say “I love you” lightly or as just a set of words (I hate that – that people lie like that all the time, saying “I love you” when they just sort of like you). But here’s a question: what does love mean to a child? And is it even necessary for a child to have love at all? (Just a question you understand; and not talking romantic love, either!) Just one of the things that has always puzzled me . . . is love NEEDED – or is it just a desire?
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Amazing Comment! It actually got a post all its own: https://tddr.wordpress.com/2012/04/19/to-jeff/
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Hi Jeff, I read Sage’s reply and had to find the post. This is a good post for you to put your input on. Poor Sage, he has me, and now you’ve dropped in. I hope our complexities aren’t too overwhelming. 😉
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