I feel the need to respond to some of the feedback I’ve been getting about this post, if only a blanket response to address the comments I received thus far. For those of you interested, the original post can be found here: http://https://tddr.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/what-if-i-told-you-i-wanted-to-die/
First of all, I want to thank everyone for their kind responses, regardless of if our opinions may differ on the subject. It means a lot to me to know that I’ve actually touched people’s lives. But that’s never been what this is about. I wanted to be very clear that this is not a decision that I arrived at out of some feeling of incompleteness, or a feeling that I’m abnormal, nor do I feel that I don’t belong in some way or another. I have been more clear headed lately, than I have ever been. And what most of you don’t realize, is that I made this choice for myself long before we had even met. The obvious exceptions to that statement already know who they are. I know my worth as a person, and I know that I am special. I know this because I have known lots of amazing individuals so far in my life, and I know with complete certainty, that I will continue to meet more. And to these amazing people, I have become special. I also know my worth as a person because I see how different I am in the way that I treat most of those I encounter, and the things that I’m willing to do for those that I allow in my life.
I know that I’m a person who is intelligent, I have an agile mind, I am fiercely loyal and compassionate. I’m also aware of my less than desirable amount of stubbornness, my love of arguing for the sake of arguing, the fact that I can be infuriating sometimes for various reasons. All of these things and many more not mentioned, make me who I am. I arrived at this decision in light of this question of basic human dignity, and because I know with utmost certainty, that I have the right to choose how I live, and how I am remembered. And I refuse to leave this life utterly dependent on other people to survive. I refuse to subject anyone to that responsibility. And for those who have joined the discussion from a theological standpoint, for me it takes far more faith to believe in a God that is contrary to the way I was raised, that is, a God that knows my heart, motivation, and intentions so perfectly… Perhaps better than I do, that mercy would be shown on my behalf. This isn’t about a lack of purpose, I know what my purpose is, and I intend to achieve it. All too often, I see people take their lives for granted, because even though we intellectually understand that life is an unknown finite period of time, we don’t live it that way. I’m merely giving myself a soft deadline, with room for padding. I don’t know what the afterlife will hold, nor do I really want to. What I know that I have with the utmost certainty, is this life. What is here, now in this moment, and the moments to come. And I will savor them all.