Note to the Reader


“Spiritual enlightenment comes at the cost of lifetime of servitude.” –Zak


Spiritual enlightenment isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. That’s right – you read that last sentence correctly. Most people spend their entire lives looking for it, but for me, it wasn’t really a choice; it was just something that happened. What you’re about to read is an account of my life – or at least the most important events in it. It’s been a good 20 years since I’ve thought about any of this shit, so don’t be surprised if this middle-aged old man forgets a few details. And goddammit, I know what you’re thinking:


“Why the hell is this narcissistic bastard writing a prologue to a book that’s all about him to begin with?”


(And I do know that that was what you were thinking. On top of being a narcissistic bastard, I pride myself on being semi-omniscient, as well.) Simple: to give you some background on myself. You know, all that typical garbage no one really wants to hear or cares about – like my birthday, the family I was born into, and all that other shit I really don’t want to waste my time elaborating on in other parts of the story. So without further adieu…


I was born on October 8, 1983, in Modesto, California, and if you don’t know where that is – look at a freaking map. This isn’t calculus, here. I was born to a family that culturally has some Spanish and Polynesian roots, while its offspring tends have a penchant for white people.


“Oh my goodness! He said white people! He must be a racist…”


Chill out! (Is it creepy how I know what you’re thinking?) I’m simply making an observation. This particular family was a pretty typical Roman Catholic family, which means we ate crackers and got drunk at church. You know, once you get past the sitting, the standing, the kneeling, and the Church’s inability to deal with pedophilia and its clergy… it’s actually not that bad. It’s a great starting point and a great place to grow for somebody intent upon living an existence comfortably adhering to a version of Christianity that maintains a bit of mysticism and ancient beauty. Does that mean I’m Catholic now? For the answer to that question, you will just have to wait and see.


Now that we have satisfied the egomaniacal curiosity that burns within like herpes, I have to tell you that what you’re about to read is entirely true. (For those of you who noted that I was born in 1983 –yeah, I’m not really middle aged. So what? Feel free to question everything I say. Sheesh, skeptics.) Anyway, you also should note that the resulting spiritual philosophies that are implied or can be inferred throughout these accounts would, throughout history, have been my express tickets to burning at the stake for heresy. And let’s say devil worship for good measure. After all, what’s heresy without Satan? 🙂


Prologue: Apparently No One Can


It was a particularly cold night, and cold air crept up underneath my blankets, attempting to strangle me with its icy grip. As on many cold nights before it, I snuggled up with my favorite blanket and stuffed animal and settled in as the shroud of darkness crept ever closer. You see, as a child I was deathly afraid of the dark, and its ominous presence sometimes haunted my waking hours as well as my slumbering ones. Yes, this night was no different. Except…


On this particular night, I was in the body of a four-year-old child who had a peculiar way of doing things. This way of doing things would prove very useful tonight, for this child loved to watch the monsters of darkness lurk about his room through thin sheets, as though he were invisible to the world that surrounded him. If you’re confused, yes I’m talking about me… if you haven’t figured that out by now, I suggest you call a neurosurgeon and schedule a consult.

I felt a new even colder air slither its way across the floor and engulfing my room like a blaze of ice cold blue flame. It flickered wildly as if to say,


“This is my domain now!”


I clung even tighter to Little Foot, my favorite stuffed animal and quite possibly my most cherished possession to this date. You see, as with all little boys and girls, we somehow believe that those things that we cling dearest to have magical powers to make bad things go away, and I was no exception to this rule. After the dancing cold had found its equilibrium, I saw two distinct presences enter my dwelling; one was an awful power, but not a threat. It was kind and warm, even though an intelligent person would know that such power could kill you at a moments notice. But I could sense this entity meant me no harm. I could feel its powerful gaze upon me as I trembled in an irrational fear. For something about this presence seemed all too familiar to me, as if one was seeing the brother he had not seen in over a decade. I didn’t recognize the form but I understood the energy.

Just as I was about to drift off into the world of the night, another presence forced its way into my room as perhaps a home burglar would. This presence, while every bit as powerful, set off all kinds of radar within me. It was sinister, I dare I say demonic. The conversation that ensued made no sense to me at the time but I recalled every word, and as I soon discovered words without context have no meaning. The demonic one spoke first:

“Does the child slumber?” His tone was reminiscent of the snakes hiss, as his forked hung met his teeth.

“No, he wishes to appear as though he’s asleep, but not only is he awake… he is also aware both of us.” The angelic ones tone was odd, it was as if there were three persons speaking through one voice, all in unison.

“Strong indeed is this one!” The demon hissed as his red eyes peered right through my soul.

“He will make a great addition to our forces, but I wonder if he’ll take up his old station. It is within his right to return home, but still it would be nice to have another brother joined our cause.” The demon’s tone almost totally self-assured.

“Only time will tell. As it was in the beginning so it is true now… he must make his own choice.” The angelic one spoke in a calm, serene tone that I have neither heard before, nor since that day.

“Enough!” The demon hissed impatiently.

I shall take him now, enough of this foolishness!”

Just as the words had slithered forth from his mouth, he lunged towards me as I clenched in fear.

Just then the angelic one raised his mighty arm and held the demon back. She then attended his body toward the wall slamming the demon into it, he then used his free hand to grip the demon’s throat.

“Stop! It is not the will of the Creator, and even if that were not true, you of all beings in all of creation should know he is like us, and therefore cannot be taken.” “For once, we are as they, we shall just have to wait and see.”


From that night on, I knew my life would  never be the same. I also knew for better or worse, neither would anyone else’s around me.



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